right now i'm sitting one the sofa, watching the last samurai, eating a bowl of cottage cheese, waiting for the time when i can go wake up jenny.  i've got about 2 1/2 hours to go.  i had wanted to go to the tanning place today... and maybe the gym, but i didn't get around to it.  instead, i undecorated our xmas tree.  i know it's kind of late to be doing it, but when i get home from work, i don't want to do anything except spend quality time with jenny, especially since that's the only time i get to see her.  we are now back to a schedule where we don't get days off together.  unless of course i don't have to work b/c of a holiday or something.  that sucks, but she has to start somewhere.  she's actually got a job that she's always wanted, one that she got her degree for, one that she likes, and she's good at!  this is the time when we have to be patient and wait for her to work her way up.  i had to start the same way.  so i understand and am here for her.  but that doesn't mean that i don't miss her.  i miss her a lot.  and so for that reason alone, our time in the evenings is very precious to me and i try not to take it for granted. 

my christmas was so fantastic!  i've been telling people that it's the best i've had in almost 20 years.  i spent the day with jenny and her family.  it felt so amazing to be with a family like that.  they accept me, and that feels great.  :)  even at home, christmases like that were few and far between.  not that they were bad, they just weren't like this one.  i really have scored the best girlfriend ever.  not only does she love me unconditionally, but she has a great family.

i still haven't heard from the school i interviewed with.  they've been checking my references the past couple days.  so i know they're interested in me.  which is great!  i'm so excited about that!  but at the same time, i'm really scared.  i know change can be good, but it's also stressful.  and new.  and full of unknowns.  if i get it, i'm so nervous about so many things.  working from home and finding the space for that, leaving my office (no matter how crappy it is there), not having an office, etc.  it'll be sad to leave where i am now.  i like my coworkers.  i love my job.  i just can't take the bullshit anymore.  so that's why i think i'm ready to move on, ready to start something new.  i don't want to get stuck some place where i will constantly be prevented from moving forward/upward. 

our move-in date is getting closer and closer!  i'm so damn eager to move that i can't stand the waiting!  it's dreadful!  i just want to pack and move already, get it over and done with.  i just want to start my life with jenny.  that's it!  i don't want a roommate anymore.  i want to be able to make noise or talk as loud as i want without having to worry about that.  i want to be able to walk around in my bra!  lol.  he's a great guy, but i just don't want to live with him anymore.  i'm too old for that it seems sometimes. 

blah, i'm done i think.  i need to find something else to do to pass the time.  maybe i'll read my book.  i've been reading this book called christianity, social tolerance, and homosexuality.  it's actually really good!  i'm learning a lot about the history that i didn't know before.  we got a couple giftcards for barnes and noble for christmas, and books are one of my passions.  and this is such a great time of year to read too.  i love it when it's chilly or cold outside and i can curl up on the sofa with a good book, maybe a cup of joe or hot tea.  i love it!  so maybe i'll go do that.  until next time.....

ok , so i have some really good news and i need to get it out!  i've told people at work already, but it's something different to have a permanent record of it.  jenny got a call from FSN today.  they offered her the position!  she got the job!  this is so great!  things are working out so well for us.  and all i can do is continue to be thankful and very appreciative for everything that we have.  we have each other, a roof over our heads, good working vehicles, food on our table, great friends, awesome family....  what more could we ask for?  i am so happy right now.  i'm not even sure if i know what else to say!  i am just so proud of her.  so proud.  i know how frustrating it can be when you're trying and trying to find a job in your field of study in order to validate your reason for going to school.  there's something incredible about the feeling that surges when you get the call for the interview, then for the references, then for the job offer.  especially when it's this.  FSN!!!!  jenny makes me so happy, and all i want for her is to be happy.  we are so lucky, and i will never forget to give thanks!

oouuww!

 i applied for a job yesterday!  at one of my fairs the other night, i was talking to another recruiter.  she was telling me how she's leaving her current position to go to another school.  she's a regional rep for a school out of town.  work from home.  get a car.  get a gas card.  internet is paid for.  wtf?!  this is the best deal!  i'm pretty sure everyone and their dog is applying for it as well, including my office mate.  but i can't help but feel that i'm super qualified!  if i can just get an interview, i would feel more confident that i can convince them why they should hire me.  so i guess we'll see.  the waiting is terrible.  

jenny, on the other hand, didn't have to wait long at all to hear from the place she applied to!  she had a fantastic interview!  i'm so freakin proud of her!  i know how exciting it is to finally interview for a professional job in the field you've studied.  they're just completing her background check and calling her references, so she's in pretty good shape!  while i have thoroughly enjoyed her being my perfect "house wife," i want her to be happy too.  

we are in such a good place right now.  we're starting to look for a new place to live.  our lease isn't up until february, but we wanted to start to get a feel for what's out there, so we'll know what to seriously look for in december.  we were lucky enough to meet a realtor at a bar one night through a friend.  he's offered to help us out, so i'm waiting to hear back from him about some places to go check out.  it would be really nice to get a house.  i'm just tired of the complex community.  i want more privacy... a place where we can have friends over and not have to worry about bothering anyone.  i'm also tired of hearing people walk above me... or random people walking pass our living room window.  i'd like to be able to keep my blinds open!  lol.  some of these things are so silly, but important to me.  so i guess we'll see how it goes!  

i better get back to work.  i'm trying to get some stuff done before jenny meets me for a late lunch.  mmmm, house of pies!

so i'm not sure what's going on in my mind right now.  today has been the weirdest day in a long time.  like normal, i snoozed my alarm for way too long this morning.  i just didn't want to get up, b/c that meant that i had to go to work.  and lately, i haven't been wanting to come to work.  i love my students, and i love what i do, but i'm so sick and tired of this place.  i'm tired of my boss acting like a 16 year old girl who's too sensitive.  i'm tired of all the drama at work.  i'm tired of not having the support that i used to here.  i'm well into my 3rd year here and there is not even a slight hint of upward mobility on this campus.  it drives me insane how unsupportive the bossman is of us and our professional development.  instead of letting us all have supervisory responsibility, he hires someone else to do some crap job and oh by the way, the new person is in charge of ALL the student workers too.  the best part....  new guy doesn't even have his bachelor's degree!  i have only felt unvaluable to this office since the leadership changed.  and to me, the only thing i can think of to remedy that is to move on or start a Ph.D. program.  if i can't get the support i need to grow professionally here, then i need to get out.  it's plain and simple, right?  i wish.  i've been looking for a while now, and there's just not anything out there for me.  unless i want to move, and i don't necessarily want to do that right now.  not yet anyway.  so while i've had all these thoughts lingering on my mind all day, i've noticed that it's causing me to miss jenny more.  she makes me feel so much better when i'm not at my best.  she "twists" a smile onto my face and tells me she loves me at just the right time.  i know i'll see her in less than 2 hours, but i feel like i haven't seen her at all today.  she was still VERY asleep when i tried telling her goodbye this morning.  it was so cute!  her lips get all puckered up when she sleeps... perfect for an incoming kiss.  i try not to wake her up all the way when i leave... just enough to have one of her eyes open to watch me tell her i love her, then fall back asleep.  thankfully, she stopped by my office for a minute this afternoon on her way back from meeting with her dad.  i only saw her for maybe 10-15 minutes, but it was great nonetheless.  i don't think she understands how happy she makes me!  somehow, thinking about her and knowing that i have her to go home to makes this day just disappear.  she makes everything better.  

i think we should makes cookies tonight!  cookies make EVERYTHING better!

i had such a great weekend!  minus the few bumps in the road, which were not our fault!!!  friday, we took a drive down to kemah b/c the new rollercoaster opened that day.  we get through traffic, find parking, buy our tickets, stand in line, buckle ourselves into the front row seats of the first car on the coaster.... only to be told "you need to get off b/c of the thunderstorm..."  wtf?!  they let our empty train go just to bring back in the other train to unload those lucky bastards...  they let an empty train go!!!!  why couldn't we have been on that ride?  the storm was still over an hour away!  ugh.  needless to say, jenny was pissed.  i felt terrible.  so we ate big steaks and had a margarita to try and make up for it.  at least we still have our tickets to go back and ride the bullet some other day.  

saturday, we woke up at a pretty decent hour.  lol.  we went to the gym and took my new water bottle that john got me from the HRC store in DC i think...  *sidebar....  perfect size for ice water to take to the gym, thanks john!*  we worked the shit out of our legs and asses, knowing full well that we were gonna hate ourselves later.  we watched the astros play, got ready and left for the woodlands...  to see INCUBUS!!!!  it was my first time to see them, but they were amazing!  i have so much respect for bands that can play just as good, if not better, than how they sound recorded.  and incubus sure knows how to rock!  we had great seats that we bought from some dude on ebay.  he was selling 4 total, and the other 2 tickets went to a str8 couple that just realized how much in love with each other they are.  lol.  mleh.  at least this time around at the pavilion, there weren't homophobes behind us.  we had met up with a couple of jenny's friends beforehand to have celebratory drinks at baker street pub.  then went back to my car for more celebration....  so by the time we got in to the concert, we were gooood to go!  ;)  on our way home, we stopped off at house of pies to eat breakfast and drink their crack coffee.  mmmmmm.  it was great.  we had so much fun!  i only wish that i could take jenny to see dave as well.  if not this year, then hopefully next.  :\

by sunday morning, we were feelin the pain!  neither one of us could extend our legs fully!  omg!  the pain was so bad!  so we just took it easy that day.  jenny's best friend, nancy, came over that evening and we drank and played video games.  old school mario 3 on nintendo!  holy shit, that reminds me so much of younger times!  lol.  after nancy left, we noticed that mel was online myspacing... so we called her out and told her to come over.  so she did!  we had more drinks and played more nintendo.  we so badly wanted to beat the game that night.... but alas!  the nintendo beat our asses.  LOL.  after several margaritas and rum n cokes, mel took the long journey back to her place and we went to bed.  this was at 5am!  

we were hoping that our legs would have calmed down enough for us to be able to go to the gym again yesterday, but not so much.  i actually think yesterday was by far worse than the previous!  if that's at all possible...  we just took it easy yesterday.... ventured out to find some crab legs and wine.   then lounged around all day.  i think we watched something like 7 hours of queer as folk!  i love it!  i have that love/hate relationship with brian...  i love him so much, but hate the way he is sometimes, but that's also part of why i love him...  lol.  

and just like clockwork, linus woke me up at 630 this morning.  he stands at the foot of the bed, and my side of the bed, and meows.  and meows, and meows some more.  today however, he thought it was be funny to put his ass in my face.  he probably thought that would get me out of bed quicker, who knows.  but i just rolled over and made him wait a few more minutes.  and after i got ready and was headed out the door, he looked at me as though i was disturbing him!  like i was the one who rudely woke him from his slumber!  little terd.  but i sure love him.  we gave him catnip this weekend, and he was so fuckin funny!  i love gettin that cat high!

as trinity said earlier today....  one good thing about a 3-day weekend, it leads to a short work week!  yay!

i wanted to write about this yesterday, but work got so busy that i was out of the office most of the day and didn't get home until after the game was already on.  but we had such a great weekend that i wanted to share!

it was tax-free weekend...  so shopping was number one on the agenda.  we trecked over to the galleria to be good consumers and purchase some things.  american eagle had their jeans on sale, and that was what i was looking for.  so i snagged a pair... a pair that jenny really likes ;)  we looked around at some other places, but didn't really see anything else that HAD to come home with us.  so we left, and headed for the grocery store to get stuff for dinner.  crab sounded so good, SO GOOD!  but as we all know, one cannot have crab without a good bottle of wine.  we finally made it home, made some  biscuits and a salad, opened the bottle of wine, and watched the game all night.  it was sooooo fucking good!  needless to say, the crab was so good and the wine was so warming, that i pretty much passed out before the game was even over.  

saturday was free museum day and being that i haven't been to many of them here, we wanted to take advantage of that.... along with 10,000 other people.  lol.  we started at the museum of natural science and then migrated over to the holocaust museum.  walking through there was very emotional for me.  it boggles my mind to know there are people who believe that tragedy to be a hoax, that it didn't even occur.  the horror that those people went through....  jenny made a comment afterwards... it's pretty sad that we can hold hands in a place like that and not get looked at.  that it takes a place like that for people to be ok with us showing a little pda.  i thought that i could make it through without shedding a tear.  but my emotions got the best of me.  the pictures and videos were just too much.  i teared up at nearly every station.  we finally had to leave b/c it was so depressing.  we definately needed a mood-lifter after that.... 

we walked back to the car and went for a bite to eat at niko niko's!  i love that place!  it's so freakin yummy.... in my tummy.  after we ate, i suggested we go to the pride store just to see if they happened to get in some rings that we've been wanting to see.  sure enough, they were in and they had our size!  we tried them on...  and bought them!  we've been saying for several months now that we've wanted to get something to symbolize our love.  they are so awesome.  silver band, with the equality symbol on boths sides.  jenny makes me so happy and i feel so good when i'm with her and i'm so in love with her!  we just wanted something to show that.

sunday, we hung out with her parents.  i love spending time with her family.  probably b/c i know they accept me for who i am and for loving jenny, not for what i am.  my parents are far away and i don't get to see them very often.  and while my dad accepts me, i am closer to my mom and she wants nothing to do with my "lifestyle" at all.  for a small amount of time, it seemed like she was turning a corner and was being very nice, asking questions about me and who i spend time with.  but i think the more she realizes that i'm not going through a phase, the farther away she's pulling from me b/c she doesn't approve.  so to be around family that accepts me is so great, so touching, so amazing.  jenny, i heart your mom and dad!

we had such an amazing weekend... full of crab, wine, tears, laughter, thousands of strangers violating personal space, nikos, rings, pride, and family.  :)

i spoke to my mother on the phone last night.  some days she's good, other days... not so much.  last night, was not a good night.  it started off with a conversation about my stepbrother going off to college in a couple weeks.  she was telling me about how they took him to campus yesterday to pay his tuition, buy his books, and purchase a new laptop for him.  i was like "are you for real telling ME this?"  when i left for school, my stepdad didn't come with me and mom to take care of anything.  plus, she didn't pay any of my tuition, she didn't buy one book for me, NOR did she ever buy me a computer!  so why is she rubbing it in to me that he is getting everything?!  so that was burn number one.  then i tell her that jenny says hi.  her response... "ok"...  but in a tone.  you know, the mom tone of "whatever" is how it sounded.  that was number two.  then, she tells me that i should come home for christmas to take care of her b/c she's having surgery on her hand.  she said that I, not you guys, but i should go up there.  i said she should come down here and i'd be more than happy to take care of her.  right away.... "no!"  that was it.  i said love you, bye, and slammed the phone shut.  

*side bar* i hate that you can't really hang up on someone over your cell phone!  you can hang up on them by closing the phone or pressing end, but it just doesn't seem to have the same affect as if you slammed the phone down on the receiver!  that is loud.  the cell phone... it just goes silent on the other end.  for all they know, you could have just dropped that call.  when they invented the cell phone, we started to lose the option of hanging up on people...  *end side bar*

needless to say, i felt like poo after i talked to her.  i haven't seen her in almost 2 years, and she shows not one ounce of desire to see me.  i know she's come a long way since i came out to her... i mean she talks to me.  i just wish she would have gotten the memo about unconditional love for children.  it always seems to be conditional with her.  even before i came out.  she has no right to judge me with some of the decisions she's made in her life.  and i still love her!  i'm just tired of it.  i pray for the patience to put up with her shortcomings.

mleh...

so, lately at work i've been feeling very unappreciated and not encouraged whatsoever.  leadership in my office has faltered drastically since my former boss left for another university.  i still love my job.  i love what i do.  i love the students with whom i work.  however, i used to love getting up in the mornings just to go to work.  over the past 9-12 months, i have started to dread getting up in the mornings.  i'm sure part of it is due to having jenny next to me now.... leading me to want to stay in bed and cuddle.  but i really want to have that feeling back, that longing to go to work b/c it's fun!  b/c it's exciting!  

i thought i was getting a wiff of that fun and excitement again last week.  over the past year i've been lobbying for a mentoring program on campus, and now it's finally coming to fruition!  we are starting a mentoring program for this fall!  that's great!  that's exciting!  yet....  here's the tricky part.  i am now officially the contact person for this program, and i already have a full plate with my territory to manage.  i am the counselor who travels the most in my office.  yet here i am, about to embark on this mission of mentoring, and now i'm scared.  i'm scared i won't have enough time in the day to keep up with the program and my territory.  not only this, but no one has mentioned any compensation for the additional responsibility.  that may come later on, but as for now, there's only so much time in the day.  i'm just nervous.  afraid of failure.  

on the lighter side...  i'm having a blast living with jenny!  we still have some stuff to put away and find storage for.  but other than that, things couldn't be better!  we're enjoying the late summer here in houston... swimming, watching baseball, having a beer after work.  it's great.  i couldn't be more happy with her.